I Am An Artist

I've always wanted to be an artist.  I've spent time as a wanna-be artist and I've spent time as a closet artist and just recently I've learned to be an artist.  The fact of the matter is, I've always been an artist, I was just too afraid to call myself one.  I've spent most of my life too afraid of too many things.  I'm learning how to step away from the fear and embrace the things of which I've been fearful.

Last Friday I went to my friend Joy's yoga studio to participate in an informal, relaxing art/craft night.  We simply made art.  A variety of supplies was provided and we were turned loose to create.  I thoroughly enjoyed myself and the time spent with friends new and old.  The time flew by and I ended up with an incomplete project.  I brought all the pieces of my project home with me and promised Joy I would finish it on my own.  I got home and placed my project on the kitchen counter with a sense of sadness and guilt knowing that it was most likely going to stay in that unfinished stage.

When it comes to art I have always had a difficult time finishing what I start.  This past week (as I neared completion of a project that had been started a couple of years ago) I asked myself why it took me so long to get to this point.  As I explored my past reasons, I realized that finishing something of an artistic or crafty nature makes me an artist.  I have a piece of art that I created and therefore I am creative and artistic.  What if I'm not good enough?  What if no one but me can appreciate it?  What if it turns out to be uuugly?  What if I fail?  Those questions have always been so terrifying that I have always purposely not finished a piece, or even worse, never started.

I now own and embrace that the elation and gratification of creating is what's important.  For now the end product is of miniscule importance compared to the empowerment and bliss that come from the process of creating something, anything.  The project that I started Friday night is still not completed, but not because I am afraid of it turning me into an artist.  It is in a drying stage of creation.  Once the glue has set I will continue working on it until I decide it is complete for I AM AN ARTIST.

A special thanks to my friend Joy, who has helped me in so many ways, learn to be me.

Daytime Moon

I was out by the Salt River over the weekend taking pictures for a friend of mine who puts on adventure races.  During the race there are times when all the participants are out finding checkpoints and I am left with nothing race-ish to photograph so I start looking around for a picture that wants to be captured.  There's always something that my camera wants to click away at and this time I was fortunate enough to have to moon hanging in the western sky even though it was mid-morning.

I have never tried to capture the moon during daylight.  All my previous attempts at getting a good moon shot have been at night.  I was surprised at how these daytime moon pictures turned out.  I love them.  This first image looks like the sky is black but it's just the cropping and light adjustment to the photo.  I'm excited to try it again (and it's yet another thing to be happy about).

This image gives a better representation of the day time sky.  I like this one also... the bird adds a feeling of solitude and nature to the shot.  For the first time in a long time I am enthusiastic about my cameras and am inspired to get out and take pictures.

I'm a happy camper!  :)

Happy Excitement or Excited Happiness

I'm happy.  I'm excited.  The happiness is exciting and the excitement makes me happy.  These days I feel like a cloudy film has been removed from my eyes and I am able to see so many things that are awesome and inspiring and grand.  I'm not sure if it's that I've let go of many resentments and bad energy from the last 18 months or if it's because I've evolved a bit further into the real (authentic) me.  I notice so many things these days and the noticing brings on feelings of happiness and appreciation.  These things aren't necessarily new or life changing or once in a lifetime things although I'm sure there are indeed some of those things happening from time to time.  I'm more talking about the small everyday things that I couldn't see before or that I would see, but only for their surface value which many times I've allowed to be miniscule.  So here are a couple of examples, although there are many, many more and they fill my days and fill my heart with love and joy.

I was at my daughter's house yesterday.  There are some tall palm trees in someone's front yard a block or so from her house, which I need to drive by to get to her house.  When there is a slight breeze, the palm fronds gently sway and the glint of the sun in the moving foliage makes for an awesome, tied to nature, pick-me-up.  It's like a gift, one of nature's movies playing just for me.  No big deal in the grand scheme of things, but a source of happiness for which I am appreciative.

Clouds!  There's nothing quite as exciting than to see the clouds that signify monsoon season in this oppressively hot desert.  Clouds mean storms... dust storms, rain, lightning, wind and a drop in temperature.  The hope of experiencing the scents of a wet desert, the chance to photograph bolts of lightning, the knowledge that I can be safe and secure in a home filled with love while the storm exerts its force outside, that is happiness.  The anticipation of waiting to see if a storm develops from the clouds in the distance is exciting, and that makes me happy.

I am blessed.  :)

It's All Good

Spent an entire week at the beach with my family.  It was fabulous.  We rented our favorite beach house which is located right on the beach in Oceanside, CA.  The weather was perfect, the ocean was cold and the days of relaxing with my kids and grandkids, priceless.

I'm almost through the divorce process.  Some business loose ends to tie up and paperwork to straighten out and of course claiming the rest of my personal property from my old house.  My ex feels the need to hold my things hostage as a last ditch effort on perhaps exerting some control over me.  I really don't know what his deal is and I honestly don't care other than I want my things and I intend to claim them one way or another.  It bothered me until a few days ago.  Now, I've gained a new perspective and I mostly am above the fight.  It's nice to be able to have other things to care about.

I'm short on money, not having much luck finding a job and my belongings are scattered all over the valley, graciously being stored by various friends and family.  This used to stress me out, but not so much anymore.  I'm o.k. with things being as they are, with me being as I am.  Somehow I always have enough.  Enough money to pay my bills, enough food to fill my plate, enough friendship to comfort me and enough love to soothe my soul.

My life these days is so different than before and it is so much more than it was, so much better.  Getting here was a bit of a trial but the part of the journey that got me to this place I'm at today was so worth it.  I'm excited about where life is going to take me, eager to see what's around the bend and happy with it all.

I am blessed.  :)