I spent some time reflecting today; actually for the past several days. This year has been amazing. It has had some very high highs and some extremely painful lows. So much has changed in my life this year. So much about me has changed. Looking back at all the crap that's been swirling around I must say that I'm very proud of me. And I'm very appreciative. Proud that I have kept my sanity, for the most part and appreciative that I have been shown how many wonderful friends I have and how much my family supports me.

One year ago, almost to the day, I welcomed someone into my house who would ultimately "cause" the end of my 20 year marriage. I can't say I'm sorry. Not exactly. I don't condone her behavior, nor that of my husband's. She, as it turns out, is an STD ladened skanky alcoholic slut. I know that sounds angry and bitter but it really isn't, that's really who/what she is. He's an ass. That's not bitter either, just fact. Anyway, here I am... waiting for my final court date so I can be single again.

There have been emotional ups and downs, and I'm sure that will continue for sometime. But I'm o.k. I'm really o.k. I look forward to my tomorrows. I'm not stuck in the past. I'm learning to let it all go. I'm content to deal with what is. I'm enjoying being in my happy place.

This past year has shown me many things. The best of which is that I have come to appreciate how awesome I am. And that kind of makes all the shitty parts of the last year so totally worth it.

Yea for me!!! I rock!!!

Stress has me in its grip

Signs of stress appear constantly these days. I have headaches, I'm dizzy, can't concentrate, can't remember things from one minute to the next, can't sit still yet have very little drive to do anything, feeling exhausted and unsettled, am tired but can't sleep well, my back and shoulders have gone from tight discomfort to pain.

It amazes me how much stress can affect the body. I'm not surprised that the stress is ever present because there is much in my life that is stressful right now... I just wish I could figure out how to get the upper hand on it. I don't obsess too much about it; either I'm OK with it or I'm not; either the signs of stress are affecting me or they're not. I can accept that.

I guess the silver lining is that it is giving me reason to do more soul searching and more research in my quest to find a way to diffuse some of the stress and find comfort.

I remain in my happy place even if it means being there and in pain. :)

I had myself a "me" weekend and I loved it. Started with an entire "me" day and a couple of hours with the most amazing friend/massage therapist ever on Friday. Because I was in Oklahoma for 5 weeks it had been awhile since I was able to enjoy my regular massage. I'm glad to be back to somewhat regularly scheduled massages. They help keep all of me in place and healthy. And not just the physical parts of me. Massage helps with my mental and emotional health and keeps my energy flowing in an incredibly healthy way.

Saturday was a relaxing morning followed by a most delightful afternoon watching my grandson play baseball. The weather was perfect and the game gave me two very enjoyable hours sitting with my daughter watching the game. My son was coaching so I got the bonus of being with both my kids, something I totally enjoy. I spent the evening with my daughter-in-law who was experiencing some discomfort from being 7 months pregnant and overdoing her Saturday run. I then spent a couple of hours with my new angel/roommate, enjoying a cocktail, watching some t.v., working on my crochet projects and then heading to bed at a decent hour.

Sunday was another totally me day. Coffee, lounging around the house, t.v., crochet. I feel so relaxed, refreshed and ready to take on another busy week trying to put my life in order, or maybe it's more like trying to keep my life from totally falling apart. Either way I'm ready to do what I need to do and am in an awesome frame of mind so I will be able to do things and be happy at the same time. There's always another happy thought to think. :)

I keep getting the urge to write.  I have no idea what I want to write about and when I do happen upon an idea for some interesting subject matter I can't come up with the "best" way to write it, so I don't.  Back in the late 90's I was given a copy of "The Artists Way".  It's a lovely book about how to unlock the artist within.  I believe we are all artists in some way.  We all have a need to create.  Some of us just hide it or ignore it better than others.  The book outlined several exercises to help let the creativity out.  One of the exercises was to write for a set amount of time every day.  It wasn't an involved thing, maybe 15 minutes a day.  And the instructions were to write at the beginning of the day.  Immediately upon waking, get out your notebook and simply write whatever came to mind.  Words, ideas... anything.  I struggled with it because I couldn't just write, I had to write correctly and about things that I felt had at least an ounce of worth.  I know that wasn't the idea, but at the time that was the best I could do.  And as we see, I still have that problem.  I want to get to a place where I can just let the words flow.  A place where I can be happy with whatever my mind wants to put out there.  A place where I can trust my spirit to guide me wherever it wants me to go, even if my mere mortal self can't see any value in it.  I'm not sure this is the place to do it, and I'm not committing to resurrecting the exercise, but I'm at least thinking about it.  My life this year has done some crazy and yet amazing things.  I feel like I'm just about ready for a new adventure and am quite ready to completely let go of the old me.  I think I've grown up enough to know with everything that I am that I don't need to grow up if I don't want to.  Have a happy day everyone.