My head is spinning. The thoughts come and go almost faster than I can even comprehend them, much less ponder their meanings. I don't feel quite as numb as I did last week, but I'm not sure that my current state is a better place to be. Sometimes I wish the numb would return and stay awhile.
I've been feeling negative alot lately. I'm not a negative person by nature and in the past when I get to a negative head space I try very hard to not wallow there. I allow myself some time to be sad or at least to accept myself as a person who sometimes falls into a negative way of thinking, but it is usually short lived. Lately that's not the case. I seem to get stuck in a not happy, not healthy place and no matter which direction I turn I can find the way out. And that inability to "snap out of it" just makes things worse and then I start picking on myself for being a baby, for not being able to get a grip.
And then, something happens to flip the switch and I am, sometimes immediately, transported out of the negative and can once again see and live in the positive. I've never actually searched for the reason behind it but with this latest transport from negative to positive I believe that it's an outside source that helps me find the ability to flip my own switch. And the outside source that seems to make it happen for me, is a friend. The love and compassion and acknowledgement of friends makes me feel accepted and worthwhile and that realization gives me what I need to change from the negative to the positive.
So now that I'm out of that dark, negative place that I hope to not return to anytime soon, or ever if that's possible, I am hoping I can spend some time creating a happy me, a happy space, a happy life, even during these most trying times.
I am a good person. I deserve an awesome life. :)
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