Wow, crazy times. I'm beginning to feel better after my stomach issue... still not sure what the problem is, my doc thinks it's e.coli... not much fun that's for sure. Just now getting back to reflecting on my life and where to go from here. I have no idea what I want to do, or even what it is I'm feeling really, other than anger. I'm very, very angry. Lots of other things too: hurt, shocked, devastated, sad, etc., but mostly right now I'm angry. And I don't feel like being quiet about it. I know it will serve me best to remain controlled and calm, but it's difficult. I manage to not fly off the handle and mostly have kept my mouth shut, but internally all of this, the keeping quiet and the betrayal is causing harm.
And my thoughts are completely all over the place. I have lots to write about, to sort out, to analyze, to take action on, but I can't seem to focus on any one element long enough to make any kind of progress.
My husband is a cheater, and a liar and probably lots of other bad things but for now those two are at the top of my list of why I can't stand being around him. Why I detest him. I know the skanky alcoholic whore (SAW) he cheated with. I thought she was a friend... guess not. I know SAW's fiancee who Tom says knows about the affair. Not sure that that's true, I'm guessing it's not but I intend to tell him. I just need to sort it all out first, and I haven't been able to do that.
I guess it just all needs to happen in my time. If that takes an hour or a month, I need to let things unfold at a pace I'm comfortable with and can deal with.
But in the meantime I need to figure out what to do with/about all this anger that is brewing. It's not healthy and it's not who I want to be.
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