The thoughts I think, the things I tell myself inside my head are constant messages from me, to me. I'm sure most everybody has this stuff bouncing around inside their brains. The thoughts I think about myself produce something like a battle of good against bad. There's the good me and there's the bad me. The good me is the positive, upbeat, happy me that most times is the me that I present to the world. The bad me is all my self-doubt, all the negative messages I give myself about myself. All the I can't messages, all the I'm not good enough messages, all the thoughts about why I don't deserve whatever good thing I'm striving for.
The good me works overtime trying to drown out the bad me thoughts. It takes a certain amount of effort to think the good thoughts. They don't flow as easily as the bad me thoughts. The negative seems to take no effort and there seems to be an endless supply of these messages. Is it just habit? Am I so used to talking negatively to and about myself from years of practice that to change those thoughts takes time and effort? I'm going under the belief that the good, positive thoughts will one day come as easy as the negative and will consume all my thinking, leaving no time or room for any of the negative. Or at least for very little of the negative.
This all makes me wonder where and how I fell into this pattern, into this powerful grip of nay-saying. What makes it so difficult to believe the good and so easy to believe the bad? I feel I'm figuring my way out of this "bad habit", but it's slow going and there are certainly setbacks. But I'm a fighter, and being the positive, upbeat, happy person inside and out is a goal that I know I will one day reach. That day isn't today, but I'm on the right road and step by step I'll get there.
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