If I Can Do It ANYONE Can (Rag Rug #1)

I made a rag rug!

I love making things.  I love having a project to work on.  A year ago while I was spending time with my dear friend Suzanne in Oklahoma, I decided to attempt to learn how to crochet.  When my kids were little (that would be about 35 years ago) I tried to teach myself the craft of crocheting. I started with a couple of blankets and neither one turned out... they started out one size and by the time I got to the other end the blankets were way wider.  Since V shaped blankets weren't gonna cut it I gave up.  Last year, needing a project to ground me during a difficult transitional time in my life I decided to try crochet again.  And luckily youtube.com was available this time.  I watched several videos about beginner crochet and made the trek ("all the way across town" as Suzie would say) to WalMart, bought some yarn and a few crochet hooks.  I was successful in making a scarf (It started to have the V shaped blanket problems but I was able to correct them) and a couple of beanies.  I very much wanted to try crocheting a rag rug and bought a couple of large hooks but then my usual doubt took over and I talked myself out of trying.  Now, almost exactly one year later I gathered up my courage and decided I'd rather try and fail then to not try at all.  Once again I turned to youtube.com and after watching several videos, all of which stated "you can't mess it up", I got started.

I had decided that for my perfectionist tendencies as an artist/crafter I would need a pair of pinking shears because I knew that all the unraveling that was bound to happen if I ripped the sheet or straight cut it, would drive me crazy.  I zipped up to Hobby Lobby, looked up a coupon code on my phone and bought myself a nice pair of pinking shears.

 I selected an old full size fitted sheet that I've been hanging on to for almost a year specifically for this project and started cutting strips.

The different instructions called for strips anywhere from 1/4" to 2".  Quite a large range.  I decided on trying to keep my strips to approximately 1"; some are thinner, some wider.  I cut about 1/2 of the sheet into strips and then was faced with figuring out how to attach the ends of each strip so I would have one long continuous strip to work with.

A square knot made a hard lump that I thought would be uncomfortable to stand on.  Basting the strips together was going to take quite a bit of time but I figured it would probably be the best solution.  After a bit more research I found a way to attach the strips by cutting a slit at the joining ends of each strip and passing the end of the strip being attached through both slits to make a simple slip type knot.  Worked like a charm.  After connecting the strips I rolled the now one long strip into a ball.

 I still had the other half of the sheet to cut up and after still more research I came across an easy way to tear the sheet into one long strip thus saving me from having to attach the strips to each other.  I tore most of the second half of the sheet but didn't like having to deal with the threads that unraveled so the last 1/3 of the sheet was cut with my super duper pinking shears.  I added the new strips to my little ball of strips and ended up with an almost bowling ball sized ball of strips.

I followed the simple instructions and kept repeating to myself their claim of "you can't mess it up, you can't mess it up, you can't mess it up" with as much vigor as Dorothy used when stating "there's no place like home".  It took about 2 hours to crochet the old sheet into a small/medium sized rag rug.  It measures approximately 28" in diameter.

 It turned out softer than I though it would and the "knots" where I attached the ends to each other can't really be felt when you stand on the rug.

Up close you can see its uneven, imperfect, "rustic" look but I think that's part of its charm.  This was an old flannel sheet.  I'm interested to see the difference between it and one using a cotton sheet.  I can't begin to describe how excited I am.  As soon as I finish my coffee I'm headed to Goodwill to pick through their selection of sheets.  I'm going to try an oval shaped rug next.  So much fun!!!!  :)

Motivation Issues

I'm feeling very unmotivated these days.  I probably need a bit more structure in my life than what I currently have, which would be none.  Too much time?  Is that even possible.  It occurs to me that the real issue is that I'm beating myself up (again) for choosing to do not much of anything.  I should cut myself some slack and just enjoy having time to do whatever I want and if that whatever turns out to be nothing I should enjoy it just the same.

The other side of that coin is that I'm not feeling fulfilled.  And that side of the coin has some negative consequences that I'd rather not deal with.  Time to get inspired.  I miss feeling passionate about something... anything.  I have several projects that need my attention, I just haven't been able to focus enough to dive in.

Thankfully I have been blessed with family and friends who are patient with me.  I wish I could treat myself as good as they treat me.  I'm learning though and am confident that I can get to a place where I value myself and love myself the way the universe does.

I have much to offer.  I need to start offering it to myself.  :)

I Am An Artist

I've always wanted to be an artist.  I've spent time as a wanna-be artist and I've spent time as a closet artist and just recently I've learned to be an artist.  The fact of the matter is, I've always been an artist, I was just too afraid to call myself one.  I've spent most of my life too afraid of too many things.  I'm learning how to step away from the fear and embrace the things of which I've been fearful.

Last Friday I went to my friend Joy's yoga studio to participate in an informal, relaxing art/craft night.  We simply made art.  A variety of supplies was provided and we were turned loose to create.  I thoroughly enjoyed myself and the time spent with friends new and old.  The time flew by and I ended up with an incomplete project.  I brought all the pieces of my project home with me and promised Joy I would finish it on my own.  I got home and placed my project on the kitchen counter with a sense of sadness and guilt knowing that it was most likely going to stay in that unfinished stage.

When it comes to art I have always had a difficult time finishing what I start.  This past week (as I neared completion of a project that had been started a couple of years ago) I asked myself why it took me so long to get to this point.  As I explored my past reasons, I realized that finishing something of an artistic or crafty nature makes me an artist.  I have a piece of art that I created and therefore I am creative and artistic.  What if I'm not good enough?  What if no one but me can appreciate it?  What if it turns out to be uuugly?  What if I fail?  Those questions have always been so terrifying that I have always purposely not finished a piece, or even worse, never started.

I now own and embrace that the elation and gratification of creating is what's important.  For now the end product is of miniscule importance compared to the empowerment and bliss that come from the process of creating something, anything.  The project that I started Friday night is still not completed, but not because I am afraid of it turning me into an artist.  It is in a drying stage of creation.  Once the glue has set I will continue working on it until I decide it is complete for I AM AN ARTIST.

A special thanks to my friend Joy, who has helped me in so many ways, learn to be me.

Daytime Moon

I was out by the Salt River over the weekend taking pictures for a friend of mine who puts on adventure races.  During the race there are times when all the participants are out finding checkpoints and I am left with nothing race-ish to photograph so I start looking around for a picture that wants to be captured.  There's always something that my camera wants to click away at and this time I was fortunate enough to have to moon hanging in the western sky even though it was mid-morning.

I have never tried to capture the moon during daylight.  All my previous attempts at getting a good moon shot have been at night.  I was surprised at how these daytime moon pictures turned out.  I love them.  This first image looks like the sky is black but it's just the cropping and light adjustment to the photo.  I'm excited to try it again (and it's yet another thing to be happy about).

This image gives a better representation of the day time sky.  I like this one also... the bird adds a feeling of solitude and nature to the shot.  For the first time in a long time I am enthusiastic about my cameras and am inspired to get out and take pictures.

I'm a happy camper!  :)

Happy Excitement or Excited Happiness

I'm happy.  I'm excited.  The happiness is exciting and the excitement makes me happy.  These days I feel like a cloudy film has been removed from my eyes and I am able to see so many things that are awesome and inspiring and grand.  I'm not sure if it's that I've let go of many resentments and bad energy from the last 18 months or if it's because I've evolved a bit further into the real (authentic) me.  I notice so many things these days and the noticing brings on feelings of happiness and appreciation.  These things aren't necessarily new or life changing or once in a lifetime things although I'm sure there are indeed some of those things happening from time to time.  I'm more talking about the small everyday things that I couldn't see before or that I would see, but only for their surface value which many times I've allowed to be miniscule.  So here are a couple of examples, although there are many, many more and they fill my days and fill my heart with love and joy.

I was at my daughter's house yesterday.  There are some tall palm trees in someone's front yard a block or so from her house, which I need to drive by to get to her house.  When there is a slight breeze, the palm fronds gently sway and the glint of the sun in the moving foliage makes for an awesome, tied to nature, pick-me-up.  It's like a gift, one of nature's movies playing just for me.  No big deal in the grand scheme of things, but a source of happiness for which I am appreciative.

Clouds!  There's nothing quite as exciting than to see the clouds that signify monsoon season in this oppressively hot desert.  Clouds mean storms... dust storms, rain, lightning, wind and a drop in temperature.  The hope of experiencing the scents of a wet desert, the chance to photograph bolts of lightning, the knowledge that I can be safe and secure in a home filled with love while the storm exerts its force outside, that is happiness.  The anticipation of waiting to see if a storm develops from the clouds in the distance is exciting, and that makes me happy.

I am blessed.  :)

It's All Good

Spent an entire week at the beach with my family.  It was fabulous.  We rented our favorite beach house which is located right on the beach in Oceanside, CA.  The weather was perfect, the ocean was cold and the days of relaxing with my kids and grandkids, priceless.

I'm almost through the divorce process.  Some business loose ends to tie up and paperwork to straighten out and of course claiming the rest of my personal property from my old house.  My ex feels the need to hold my things hostage as a last ditch effort on perhaps exerting some control over me.  I really don't know what his deal is and I honestly don't care other than I want my things and I intend to claim them one way or another.  It bothered me until a few days ago.  Now, I've gained a new perspective and I mostly am above the fight.  It's nice to be able to have other things to care about.

I'm short on money, not having much luck finding a job and my belongings are scattered all over the valley, graciously being stored by various friends and family.  This used to stress me out, but not so much anymore.  I'm o.k. with things being as they are, with me being as I am.  Somehow I always have enough.  Enough money to pay my bills, enough food to fill my plate, enough friendship to comfort me and enough love to soothe my soul.

My life these days is so different than before and it is so much more than it was, so much better.  Getting here was a bit of a trial but the part of the journey that got me to this place I'm at today was so worth it.  I'm excited about where life is going to take me, eager to see what's around the bend and happy with it all.

I am blessed.  :)

I spent some time reflecting today; actually for the past several days. This year has been amazing. It has had some very high highs and some extremely painful lows. So much has changed in my life this year. So much about me has changed. Looking back at all the crap that's been swirling around I must say that I'm very proud of me. And I'm very appreciative. Proud that I have kept my sanity, for the most part and appreciative that I have been shown how many wonderful friends I have and how much my family supports me.

One year ago, almost to the day, I welcomed someone into my house who would ultimately "cause" the end of my 20 year marriage. I can't say I'm sorry. Not exactly. I don't condone her behavior, nor that of my husband's. She, as it turns out, is an STD ladened skanky alcoholic slut. I know that sounds angry and bitter but it really isn't, that's really who/what she is. He's an ass. That's not bitter either, just fact. Anyway, here I am... waiting for my final court date so I can be single again.

There have been emotional ups and downs, and I'm sure that will continue for sometime. But I'm o.k. I'm really o.k. I look forward to my tomorrows. I'm not stuck in the past. I'm learning to let it all go. I'm content to deal with what is. I'm enjoying being in my happy place.

This past year has shown me many things. The best of which is that I have come to appreciate how awesome I am. And that kind of makes all the shitty parts of the last year so totally worth it.

Yea for me!!! I rock!!!